Friday, September 18, 2009

For the Dogs

Down, boys. Heel.

Freakin' Vickles. First there was Norm, then there was Trigger, and now Bulldozer. This ever-growing chorus of canine commentators has become a thorn in my side. It's not that I have anything against dogs weighing in with their thoughts per se. I'm actually surprised they have something more to contribute than this. What I do have a problem with is their elitist attitude. Where the hell does a dog get off acting like that, anyway? It's the type of attitude I'd expect from a Siamese cat. Then again, they are Philly fans, and we all know there's no accounting for that lot.

There is just a bit of a contradiction going on here. What's good for the dog pound is expected to be good for everyone else, but what's good for everyone else might bore them to death. Norm dismissed me out of hand as a cold, vacuum-like shell of a person that doesn't understand passion or eros because I thought Event Horizon was a scary movie. Let's put aside the irony of getting a lecture on eros from a member of a species that knocks up their bitches (literally) and leaves them alone with eight babies at a time. Instead, let's just focus on what brought his comment up in the first place, namely that I was unimpressed by Cat People. Despite thinking it was a mediocre movie, I enjoyed talking about it and watching it and did gain some understanding about why some people think it's great. I think it's largely got to do with personal preference and nostalgia, but hey that's fine, thanks for sharing.

That's what gets me about this whole comic thing. It really miffs you dogs for some reason. Now see, your disdain would be justified if the message of the posts was, "OMG, ppl! Did u c the new issue of x-men? Wolverine is so fuckan kewl, man!" Instead, it actually is what Bulldozer is complaining that we aren't doing enough of. The entire reason I put those posts up was to share my life, ideas, memories, and values. Not only that, I'm also making an effort to tie these posts in to current events. I am not celebrating comic books in those posts. I am shouting to all of you, "Look at what these bastards tried to make me think!" These douche bags go after the kiddies, and that's part of the reason I can't write as much as I'd like. I'm not going to park my kids in front of the TV and let Nickelodeon shape their minds with their Obama propaganda cartoons and environmental brainwashing. I want to do everything I can to avoid contributing to the “next generation of psychopaths” as someone (LocoPunk?) said.

If any of you haven't yet seen the Avengers post, I'm begging you to read it, but leave your snobbery at the door. Norm chided me for not looking deeper into an '80s movie, which is an era of films I largely don't care for. Trigger chastised me for not being interested in the story of someone who frequents places like this. That's a two-way street, li’l doggies. You get what you give. Don't ignore the underlying theme of what I'm posting simply because there are comic books involved, then scoff in incredulity when I don’t become a Starchild believer.

I bring up the Avengers post because it reads virtually word for word everything that the left has been saying about the Tea Party & Obamacare protesters, yet it was published almost 20 years ago. This is what these people really think about all of us. That comic is just one example of how they have been spreading their bullshit ideology in our country. The left is stale, unoriginal, unrepentant, trying the same failed plans over and over again, yet most people nowadays have no idea. Otherwise how could someone run as a transformational, "fresh" candidate as they run around using the same old socialist rhetoric?

Bottom line is that comics were a part of my life experience and are really what first alerted me to liberal media bias. The ones I'm sharing are from the last year I ever bought comics and I'm showing you the reasons why. I did like them a lot, but even at a young age figured out that indoctrination was more important to these people than telling a good story or drawing cool pictures. It sucked because of how much I enjoyed them, but I had to drop them one series after another as the infection spread.

It's part of a larger story about the death of trust in media going on right now. This same hard-nosed groupthink has spilled into every facet of the media's existence, including the news. Maybe it's been there all along, maybe it's more widespread now. Either way, more and more people are doing the same thing with their TV shows and news reports that I started doing with comics way back then. We could very well reach the point where people don't trust the media to give them news or entertainment.

If that's not something you care about simply because you feel comics are beneath you, then you're essentially saying part of my life experiences are beneath you and not worth sharing. In other words, it doesn't matter how it ties in to current events or how it impacted my life; if there are doodles on a page involved, you just don't care. If that's the case, you mutts really need to appeal to the head honchos Over There to post some ground rules about what is and is not worthy to reference over here and at the other place. Don't be surprised if you end up seeing even less offerings after that happens, though, especially if the topics held as superior fare are ‘80s movies and UFO theories. Instead, let me use a liberal cliche and suggest that you fellas be a little more "open-minded". Perhaps it’s the similarity comics have to newspaper funny pages that make you want to reflexively defecate all over them, but trust me, there is something more to these posts than fan-boyerism.


  1. Tetchy tetchy.


    Yup. We like you. How the hell have you been?

    The only thing we don't get is how you talk so much and almost no gravy on the plate.

    Like Bulldozer says, when there's a picture, and even the picture has words, maybe the rest of the bowl doesn't have to be so FULL.

    The other stuff is just confusing. Like the "beneath you" thing? uh, what?

    We're the ones lying on the carpet. Maybe if you made more use our nose...?

    Sorry to be dumb. But, hey, what does it SMELL like to be you? Think you could put it like that?

    Or you just want to jerk on the leash and see us jump?

  2. Tetchy? I hope you knew that already. If it's a new observation then I haven't been doing my job. I mentioned before that I'm Irish and Scottish. What I should have specified was that I'm Irish and Scotch-Irish. I'm some sort of quasi-Feinian, Montague/Capulet-ish offspring that's at war with myself just as much as I'm at war with everyone else. My ancestors roll over in their graves at the implications of what my existence mean, and I feel their rage in my blood. Then again, it could all just be in my head. Isn't that part of what makes all this so much fun?